Gravity, p.18
Gravity, page 18
Our worlds came so close to not existing. Everything was threatened and devastated. I know it’s coming, the fact I’ll be under investigation for shooting Mae four times and my actions tonight. My career is over and I’m okay with that as long as the heart below my ear continues to beat out a steady rhythm.
Two Weeks Later
Gracie protested being wheeled out in a wheelchair, but it’s hospital policy and there’s no fucking way I’d let her walk out anyway. Izzy and Juliette each hold one of her hands as we exit the hospital. I have Gracie’s car parked right out front loaded with flowers, balloons, and all the cards our girls made her. It’s a damn fight, but I get the girls buckled in their booster seats before lifting Gracie up into the front seat. Her fingers comb through my beard and then she kisses my cheek.
She’s been quiet since the shooting, only really showing any true emotion to the girls. Gracie hasn’t blocked me out, but she’s different and that fact scares the shit out of me.
I reach over and hold her hand as we drive out to the ranch. Molly and Guy packed up Gracie and Juliette’s stuff knowing Gracie would never return to that house. Juliette was pulled out of school for a week. I have no doubt she’s smart as a whip and will be just fine at Beartooth Ranch. That fact actually scares the fuck out of me. The two could easily make a home out here and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it. There’s no way in hell I could deny Gracie or Juliette to be any further from Amos.
I’m losing her slowly.
The first time in my life that I’m truly scared.
There are so many unanswered questions at the moment; like where will Juliette go to school and what happens with us. Or is there even an us? But I’m a scared bastard not willing to find out because the reality is harsh. I’m no longer on the force and without a fucking paying job. Do I regret that fact? Fuck no, but I need my girls. I feel like I’m hopelessly sinking with no hope of rising again.
I’m losing everything. The thought keeps vibrating and rattling in my mind. My skull aches.
“Daddy, I’m hungry. Can we stop?”
“No!”
Juliette answers for me and then proceeds to fill Izzy in that her Grandma is cooking for all of us. She proceeds to describe the menu including fried chicken and vegetables that don’t cause an allergic reaction.
On a knee-jerk reaction I turn to see Gracie’s smiling face or her smacking her face in embarrassment, but I only see the back of her head peering out the window. Her hands are folded in her lap. She’s sealed herself off from the world. I’m certain she’s oblivious to the conversation in the backseat since her name wasn’t announced.
I don’t see my girl. She’d be enthralled mid-conversation with Juliette and Izzy amplifying the same enthusiasm. Nope, she’s just a shell, shattering my heart one beat at a time.
Continuing to drive, I fight to numb all my senses while the girls chatter in the back seat. When I pull into Molly’s driveway, Brenda rushes down the steps having both girls unbuckled ushering them into the house.
Gracie doesn’t move. She’s a statue showing no emotion.
“Baby,” I whisper.
“I hate the world. Fucking hate it.” She continues to talk staring blankly out of the window. “Every time I find my happiness it’s taken away from me. I’m done.”
“Gracie.” It’s a desperate gasp, but I have no other words.
“It’s my destiny, Cub. My own parents don’t even love me.” She finally turns to me with a pale face. “I don’t believe anymore. I don’t believe.”
“In what?” I whisper again.
“Gravity. It’s a fucking curse and I’m done.”
“Gracie.” I try again.
But she pops open the door and doesn’t even look back to me. “I’m only surviving for my one shining hope here on Earth, Juliette.”
She shuts the door and it’s like a fucking slamming hammer to the dead center of my barely beating heart. I watch the love of my life limp into the house clutching her lower abdomen. Everything, and I mean fucking everything, has been torn away from me.
I thought I could save Mae and even thought I was in love with her. It wasn’t love at fucking all. It was me fighting to save my life after war and then she graciously handed over Izzy. And that little girl was the center of my life until I experienced love on all levels.
By the time I make it into the house, Gracie is nowhere to be seen. Molly nods over her shoulder telling me she’s in the downstairs guest room. Everything inside me wants to go to her, but she’s made it clear it’s not welcomed.
Guy hands me a beer then I join the girls at the table. Juliette already has one chicken leg wiped clean while working on her serving of vegetables to get more chicken. I try to eat, but it falls like a brick in the bottom of my stomach, so I work on a few beers instead.
“There’s a game on.” Guy nudges me in the shoulder once the table is cleaned up.
I nod to him, stand, and grab another beer from the fridge, but before I make it into the living room Molly grabs me by the arm stopping me.
She has a plate of food in her hands holding it out to me.
“Not hungry,” I reply dryly.
“Cub, it’s going to be like walking through hell with searing skin. It’s how Guy was when he got home.”
I tilt my head staring at her.
“I never gave up on him. He pushed me away and was cruel, but he was healing. Healing is not easy when it’s soul deep.” Molly places the plate of food in my one empty hand. “Don’t give up on her. She loves you.”
Molly brushes her palms down her front and then joins Tessi, Juliette, and Izzy on the floor to play. I stare down at the food confused as fuck, but slowly digesting her words. I just don’t know if I have the courage to continue on right now.
My body takes me down the dimly-lit hallway. The same one we held each other in in a state of euphoric love. The memory fuels me. The tip of my boot creaks open the door and I come face-to-face with a crying Gracie. The sheets and blankets have been thrown from the bed and she sits there bare.
Gently, I set the plate down on a dresser and slowly walk to her. I kneel down relaxing my elbows on the mattress. I’m not sure if Gracie even realizes I’m there. I let her cry until there’s no more tears. I spot blood dripping from her bandage making me stand to my feet.
She doesn’t flinch when I cradle her naked body in my arms and carry her to the bathroom connected to the bedroom. I set a towel on the counter and then place her down gently.
I finger comb her hair while waiting for the water in the sink to warm up. Gracie’s palm burns through my shirt straight to my sides. Once the water is warm, I begin running it all over her body being careful to clean up around her bandages. They’ll need to be changed tomorrow, but there’s no way in hell I’ll let my girl have her blood and the evidence of what was ripped from her staining her skin.
“I want to take a bath,” she finally whispers.
“I know, baby.”
I don’t need to explain the fact she can’t because of her wound because she knows that.
“I want to have your babies,” she whispers again.
I cradle her cheek and then lean into her and hold on.
“I want to have babies with you.”
She begins sobbing, striking up my own tears tearing my fucking heart out of my chest.
“Cub,” she wails out.
I know she’s hurt, but I can’t help it. I pull her body to mine holding her tight letting my own tears fall down into her hair.
“I want you to have my babies, too.” I pull back to stare down at her letting her see my own sadness flowing. “I want to marry you, have babies, and raise our girls together. I want you to be by my side until we are old and gray.”
“I can’t have babies and she took ours. She took it.”
I should tell her. I need to tell her, but this girl has gone through fucking enough.
I beg and plead like I never have before. “Please don’t run from me. Gracie, don’t push me away. I need you. I fucking love you and we will get through this.”
“My heart can’t be broken anymore, Cub. I can’t do it right now.”
I cry again. The end hurts like I never thought it would. I don’t talk while I finishing washing her and then tuck her into the bed I remade. I wait for her to run her fingers through my beard or pat the bed. It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask if I can sleep with her, but just like Gracie, my heart can’t be broken any further.
The sound of the door shutting echoing down the hallway even hurts. I put on a mask I’ve developed so well over the years and head out into the living room. The girls are squealing and having fun. Amos, jr. is entertaining himself by bounding around them threatening to belly flop on their fort.
It’s not until I look over to my best friend, Guy, that I see he understands the extent of the pain. I give him a curt a nod and go to get Izzy, but Molly stops me.
“Let her stay, Cub.” She squeezes my forearm. “Take a couple days. You lost a baby, too.”
“And Gracie,” I whisper.
“No, don’t do that.”
I stop her. I should be more respectful to her because she’s right, she’s gone through all this shit, but I’m in pain. More pain than I have ever been in.
“It’s over. She told me so. I’m taking Izzy home. I need her.”
Guy steps into our conversation.
“Let him go, Hop.”
Molly steps back with tears in her eyes wanting to say so much more. I ignore her and am silently thankful for Guy. Izzy isn’t exactly happy with my decision, but I promise her we’ll come visit in a few days. I carry my little girl down the steps with her face buried into my neck. She should be the one crying and disappointed, but it’s me, her dad, who has tears streaking down his face and is completely shattered.
36
Cub
“Go stroke one out in the bathroom.”
“Fuck off,” I growl.
“Man the fuck up and go get your girl.” Hart rounds the counter.
It’s been two weeks and I still haven’t braved my way to Beartooth Ranch. Izzy has given up on asking me to take her out there. Brenda and Molly bring Juliette to dance and then take the girls out to dinner afterwards. This has tided her over for the time being.
“She doesn’t want me. Told me so.”
“She was fucking hurting. You giving up that easy?”
I stare Hart down damn near glaring at him. “I’m not giving up and I’m fucking hurting too.”
“Have you told her?”
“No.”
“You’re a fucking idiot. It’s a good thing you’re good looking or you’d have nothing going for you.” He grabs his crotch. “I mean I have the brains, beauty, and the dick to back it up.”
“Yeah, and you’re fucking holed up here charming senior citizens. Real smooth, Fabio.”
“Don’t hate the game, man and you’ve been quite useful around here since you’ve been jobless.”
I scrub my face hard until my eyes sting. “What in the hell has my life turned into?”
Hart slaps my back. “Don’t give up man. I need to talk to you about something.”
I look up at Hart who is running his hands through his long hair.
“What?”
“My mom is real sick. I need to go home.”
My face softens and I suddenly feel like the king of dicks. I know Hart’s childhood wasn’t a good one. His daddy beat the shit out of him and his momma. Joining the Army was his one-way ticket from hell and it was his momma pushing him out the door wanting more for her child.
“I’m sorry, man.”
“Her cancer is back. I need to go back and take care of her.”
I nod.
“Never thought I’d step foot back into Nashville again.”
“She needs you and you’re a good man,” I point at him. “Now don’t let that shit go to your head.”
He gives me a smirk. “You want this place?”
“Huh?”
“The bed and breakfast won’t run its damn self. Need someone to take care of it and seeing that your dumbass got fired, figured you’d be open.”
“Go. You’ll have no worries here.”
“Thanks, man.” Hart drops his gaze and it’s now that I see how much this has been affecting him.
“I’m here for you, Hart. You need anything. You’re my brother.”
“Enough of this pussy mushy shit talking. I can feel my dick shrinking while the women of this great country cry over that fact.”
And just like that Hart has his own mask securely placed.
“I mean it.”
“I do have one last favor to ask.”
“No, I’m not going to shine your balls,” I reply with a grin.
“I wouldn’t let you near my golden balls, ass,” he pauses and then stares me down. “I need to visit the ranch and let them know what’s going on.”
“Cool.” I nod tensing up with the mention of it. “I’ll watch the place. Go ahead.”
“Need my brothers together one last time before I leave.”
“You’ll be coming back, Hart, Jesus.”
“You know me, brother. I’m the wild card and there’s no damn telling.”
“Is this a ploy?”
Izzy rounds into the office with an arm full of dolls. “Daddy, what’s a ploy?”
I lift her up into my lap since her arms are full.
“It’s a trick.”
“Hart.” She shakes her head at him. “What are you tricking my daddy into?”
He scrubs his beard for a second. “Need him to go to Uncle Guy’s house with me and he thinks I’m tricking him.”
“Daddy,” she squeals sending all of her dolls up into the air. She whirls around in my arms squeezing my cheeks with her tiny palms. “Please. Please. Pleeeaassse.”
She then peppers kisses all over my face.
I answer with a slight and reluctant nod.
“Yes.” She hops up onto the table racing over to the edge where Hart is standing wasting no time leaping in his arms.
“I love you, uncle.” She then peppers him with kisses.
Hart’s eyes grow heavy with liquid as he squeezes her holding her close to him. He’s been a second dad to my girl since she was born. They’re best friends and the agony playing out on his face is just a slice of the heartache he has for leaving her.
“Anything for my sweet, sweet girl.” He combs his hand through her hair.
“Can we go right now?”
“Yes.”
“I love you, uncle.” She squeezes him tighter.
“I’ll always love you, my little munchkin.”
I stand going to gather up jackets and a few other items before hitting the road. Hart and Izzy made good on their promise of leaving right away. Hart sent Guy a quick text alerting them of our arrival. Izzy sang her lungs out on the drive there giddy with genuine excitement.
Juliette races down the porch before Hart has his muscle car in park. She’s lost her other front tooth and is as adorable as the day I met her. Reality stings like a fucking redheaded bitch. I’ve lost them forever. Izzy of course wastes no time getting out of the truck and tackle hugging her friend. Tessi joins the girls rolling around in the grass.
“Let’s go, man.” Hart slaps me upside the back of the head.
I have an urge to punch the asshole, steal his keys, and burn rubber back to the bed and breakfast. It’s with heavy footsteps I follow him into the house. The aroma of Molly’s famous burnt cookies fill the air. I keep my eyes focused on my boots not wanting to know if Gracie was near.
“Hey.” Molly wraps us up in a hug. “Just like old times having you fools out here.”
“Life’s been busy,” Hart offers.
“Dumb and dumber,” Guy roars when he enters the open kitchen.
He doesn’t hug us, but rather wraps his wife up in one long hug and then proceeds to kiss the hell out of her. Reminder one thousand, six hundred of what was stolen from me.
Hart begins the conversation dropping the news like a ton of bricks. Easiness and finesse has never been his game in life. Molly tries to keep up, but it’s in Guy’s reaction that he fully understands the whole situation. We all enjoy a few beers and I find myself relaxing into easy conversation with my family.
“We will visit you,” Molly sings. “I’ve always wanted to go to Nashville.”
Guy just growls knowing if his wife wants something he’ll damn sure make it a possibility. It’s crazy how us old friends can sit here in conversation and understand so much without spoken words. The war bonded us. It’s a connection that can never be ripped from us.
Molly’s voice brings me from my internal dialogue.
“Hey dear, need anything?”
I look up to a pale faced Gracie whose eyes are still swollen and drowning in sadness and grief. The one look crushes me. Gracie nods and offers a pathetic smile.
“I’m good. Was just going to check on Juliette.”
“She’s outside playing with Izzy and Tessi,” Molly replies.
Before I know what I’m doing, I’m up on feet walking to her. There’s an intense pull dragging me to her. When I reach out to touch her she steps back sending a knife straight to my heart and soul.
“Can we go for a walk?” I ask in a whisper.
After several painful seconds drift by, she finally nods. The group at the island continues chattering while we walk out of the back door. I hand Gracie the sweater I grabbed from the coat rack and watch in awe as she wraps it around her fragile form. The woman I love is vanishing away into thin air. Halfway across the pasture and nearing a pond on Beartooth, Gracie grabs my hand lacing her fingers in mine. I feel like I can breathe again. Barely.
“I need to you tell you something, Gracie.” I point to the tall pasture grass in front of us.
It’s an early spring day with wind floating in the air, I’m glad she’s wrapped up in a thick sweater. I set down first and without thinking pull her to settle between my spread legs. Her back relaxes on my chest and my arms wind around her waist.
“There’s really nothing left to say, Cub.”
