Clone, p.10
Clone, page 10
Having planted his bugs Pinkerton left the expressavator, returned to ground level and hurried to the nearest MOSS monitoring post which was cunningly concealed in the back of a nearby laundrette. Here, a few moments later, he recorded the following conversation—
— Are you awake, petal?
— Where the helluv you been?
— I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.
— D’you find him?
— Well, no, not exactly, but—
— Then who the hell’s that moving around in—
— That’s Norbert.
— Norbert who?
— It’s too late to explain now, petal. You go back to sleep again.
— I haven’t been to sleep. I was just dropping off when some moronic monkey came and—
— I do wish you wouldn’t use that expression, petal. It’s so degrading.
— What’re you whispering for?
— Would you like me to switch on your Henry?
— Aren’t you coming to bed then?
— Not just now. I’ve got to talk to Norbert.
— Who the hell is this Norbert?
— He’s a friend, petal. A very dear friend.
— Since when? It’s the first I’ve heard of him.
— He saved my life tonight.
— You don’t say? Well, let’s have a look at him. Hey there, Norbert!
— Ma’am?
— Petal, I…Do put something on, my sweet!
— Is he shy, or something? Come right on in, Norbert. Let’s have a look at you.
— Petal, sweetest, I don’t—
— Ma’am? Did you—
-Oh no! AH-H-H-h-h-h…!!!
— Oh, dear, ma’am! Has she fainted?
— It’s my fault, Norbert. I should have realized. Hortense had a most unfortunate experience when she was a child, and as a result…
— I understand, ma’am. I’m truly sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?
— I don’t think so, Norbert. But perhaps it would be better if…
— Of course, ma’am. I’ll wait in the other room.
— There, there, petal. It’s quite all right. There, there…
-Oooh. . .gggh. . .ugg. …ggg…
— There’s absolutely nothing at all to be upset about. Here, drink this, my sweet.
— Glug…gh…uh…glup…
— That’s better. There, there…
— Has it gone?
— Yes, yes.
— It was horrible—horrible! How could you!
— Now, there’s no need to get hysterical.
— Hysterical! You can say that! You don’t know what it’s like to have to lie there and have one after another of those…six…of them there were…Six. …
— That was a long time ago, my sweet. And besides it never was six. You know we settled all that. There was only one, and he…
— It was six! It was! Six great black hairy…One after the other.
— Now, petal, it’s no good your going on like…
— It didn’t happen to you!
— No, my pet.
-Well, then.
— Now listen, my darlingest, you really must try to understand that, morally speaking, apes are no different from the rest of us. There are as many good ones as bad ones. Norbert is far more profoundly Christian than some of the twisted individuals who have the audacity to call themselves human. He risked his own life for me tonight without a moment’s hesitation and I have—
— Monkey lover!
— There’s a very hard streak in you, Hortense. I’ve noticed it before. Now I fully realize that you’re upset and so I intend to overlook—
— Monkey lover! Monkey lover!
— I’m sorry, Hortense, there is obviously no point in our discussing the matter further. I shall be next door if you want me. Goodnight.
— Is she feeling better, ma’am?
— Yes, thank you, Norbert. Much better. I’m sorry that you should have been subjected to such an unpleas—
— Please, ma’am. I pray you not to distress yourself on my account.
— Oh, Norbert! You make me feel ashamed for my own species.
— If I may be permitted to say so, ma’am, God’s purposes are as mysterious as they are infinite.
— Indeed they are, Norbert. Can I offer you a drink?
— A glass of milk would be most welcome. I do not indulge in strong liquor.
— Well, I’m afraid I do, Norbert, and just now I feel I need one pretty badly.
— Of course, ma’am. Would you like me to—
— No, no. You sit there…
— Your very good health, ma’am!
— To our success, Norbert! Ah, I needed that. Now let me see. Where had I got to?
— You had just reached Desmond, ma’am.
— Yes, of course, Desmond. Now Desmond we placed on a solar grid station in Libya. The report we had was that he had settled in very well, was liked by everybody and was extremely eager to please.
—Very like Alvin he sounds, ma’am.
— Oh, quite remarkably. Except of course that so far as we know there has been no more sign of eidetic regeneration in Desmond than there has in Bruce and Colin.
— Then what is it that makes you believe that Alvin is recovering, ma’am?
— Don’t mistake me, Norbert. It’s only a very slender hope. But this vision of the girl does sound extremely promising. Now you are quite certain that Alvin said the angel was the one he’d seen at Aldbury?
— I recollect his words distinctly, ma’am. ‘This is Cheryl,’ he said. ‘She’s the one I saw yesterday. She’s going to help us.’
— Excellent! Now, Norbert, I don’t for one moment wish to suggest that your Cheryl was not an angel—indeed her behaviour seems to have been considerably more angelic than several of that species I might choose to name—but it is just possible that I might be able to get in touch with her through a certain Government organization known as the Samaritans.
— Why, ma’am, that’s just what she called herself! ‘I’m a Samaritan,’ she said. Naturally I had no reason to assume other than that she spoke in good faith.
— Oh, I’m sure she did, Norbert. But we have nothing to lose by ascertaining whether my supposition is correct. Would you mind passing me volume ‘S’ of the directory? …Thank you…Now all that remains is for us to pray that they are prepared to cooperate.
EIGHTEEN
Brother Dominic chewed his rosary thoughtfully and tried the Bristol Street number again. ‘’Tis not like Cheryl at all, at all,’ he muttered. ‘Come along, girlie. What’s keepin’ you?’
In apartment 50621 the videophone chirruped like a lovesick cricket, but no one came in answer to its plaintive call. The illuminated timeteller flipped on to 0032 hours. Water gurgled derisively in a wall pipe.
Brother Dominic thumbed the phase-in button and put on his official face. ‘Ah well now,’ he smiled, ’is it quite sure y’are that t’was Samaritan Cheryl ye were wantin’?’
‘Quite sure,’ said Professor Poynter’s image firmly.
Then I’m afraid I’m havin’ t’disappoint ye. She’s away off on a call.’
‘Do you know when she’ll be back?’
‘Well now, I’m havin’ t’ confess t’ye that I don’t. Isn’t that the shameful admission for her boss t’have t’be makin’?’
’Then would you be so good as to give me her number?’
‘Ah now that I can’t do. T’be honest with ye I’ve been stretchin’ the rules like elastic in admittin’ t’ye that young Cheryl’s in our Ministry at all at all. T’would be more than me life’s worth t’divulge classified information. I’m sure ye’ll be understandin’ that.’
Professor Poynter frowned. ‘I can assure you that my business with Cheryl is in no sense connected with her official activities.’ ‘Sure an’ don’t they all say that?’ chuckled Brother Dominic.
‘Ah ye can have no idea o’ the sort o’ kinkies we get phonin’ in. Why they seem t’ expect us t’ hand round the girls’ numbers like a plate o’ sandwiches! As if there wasn’t far too much o’ that sort o’ carry on already! ’Tis enough t’make a saint fornicate!’
Professor Poynter assumed her most frigid official tone. ‘Then am I to take it that you are in fact refusing to give me the vital information—information, which, I repeat may well be of inestimable importance not only to my Ministry but to the nation at large?’
Brother Dominic winced as though he had bitten on a bad tooth and his smile became distinctly queasy. ‘Ah sure now, ye wouldn’t be wantin’ t’drive a man into a comer, would ye, Professor? Look, I’ll tell ye what I’ll do. As soon as young Cheryl gets back I’ll be after givin’ her yer message and yer number. Now a man can’t do fairer than that can he? I mean then it’s up t’ her, is it not?’
‘Very well,’ said Professor Poynter. ‘My number is 12-127-6692-3114. I shall be expecting a call within the next hour. I trust there is no further need for me to stress the urgency of the situation.’
‘No, no, not at all,’ Brother Dominic hastened to reassure her. ‘I have the number down here. I’m givin’ ye me word of honour as a Samaritan that I’ll make it all as clear t’her as daylight. Now just you hang on there and before ye can say Requiescat in pace she’ll be poppin’ out of yer auld screen like a leapin’ leprechaun.’
’Thank you,’ said the Professor coldly, and leaning forward she pressed the erase button.
Brother Dominic’s plump features were still a fading glimmer on the Professor’s screen when a metal door was dragged open in the concrete warren under what had once been Pall Mall and young Alvin was helped over the threshold by an anthropoid boot up his tail. He stumbled forward, tripped over his own feet and, as the door clanged shut behind him, collapsed in a sprawling heap beside a pile of latex-foam mattresses which were stacked against the far wall of the dark cell. As he groped about his fingers touched something soft and warm. ‘Holy hellebore!’ sighed a familiar but weary voice. ‘Not another!’
At that instant a dim light was switched on from outside in the passage. Heaving himself up on to his knees Alvin peered down at the dishevelled figure who was lying with closed eyes, half submerged in the drift of yielding foam.
‘Cheryl!’
Like two pale mauve petals the amazing eyelids wavered doubtfully open and the jewelled eyes contemplated him warily. ’Oh, hello,’ she said. ‘It’s you, Alvin. Where have you been?’ ‘Are you all right, Cheryl?’
A faint smile curled the corners of her lips. ‘All what?’ she murmured.
‘What have they been doing to you?’
‘I suppose youd say they’ve been taking advantage of me,’ she chuckled. ‘I thought you were number eight.’
’Oh dear,’ cried Alvin dismally. ’That’s terrible!’
Cheryl sighed. ‘It could have been a lot worse. After all, the bed’s soft’
‘But eight?’
‘Seven. It might have been five, actually. I think two of them went round twice. It was hard to tell.’
‘But did they…? Was it…? Have you ever…? Before …?’
Cheryl chuckled. ‘Well, only since I was nine. I was a slow starter.’
‘Was that with apes too?’ asked Alvin wonderingly.
Cheryl yawned. ‘Well, not to start with of course.’
‘But you have.…?’
’Oh sure I have. One or two. Just for kicks. You know how it is.’
‘No, I don’t,’ said Alvin sadly. ‘Doctor Pfizier said it was being impure. And Doctor Somervell said I ought to be thoroughly ashamed of myself.’
’That really is too bad,’ said Cheryl sympathetically. ’Those two ghouls sound as if they ought to be locked up. Do you mean to say you’ve never done it?’
‘I don’t think so,’ said Alvin cautiously. ‘I’m not really sure.’
‘Well, if we ever get out of this dump alive, I’ll show you what all the fuss is about. I’d do it now if only I didn’t feel quite so bushed.’
’Oh, thank you,’ breathed Alvin. ‘Norbert was right! You really are an angel!’ and taking her hand in his he kissed it reverently.
Cheryl grinned. You’re a nice boy, Alvin,’ she said, ’even though you did get us into this mess. Daddy’ll probably have a stroke when they put the squeeze on him for a hundred thousand. Specially seeing as it’s the U.A.B. Still I daresay he’ll see sense if they play it right.’
They were going to let me go,’ said Alvin. ‘But I wouldn’t without you.’
‘You’re not serious?’
Alvin nodded. ‘Captain Comrade told me I was no use to them. He said you were an arch-enemy of the proletariape.’ Cheryl groaned disgustedly. ’The phoney jerk! I’d rather have fifty apes on top of me than have to listen to his sort of political crud! What’s he hoping to achieve with his pathetic revolution? All he wants is to be at the top of the pile instead of the bottom. But it’ll still be the same stinking pile!’
There were footsteps outside in the passage. The door opened and Maggie came in carrying two plastic mugs of coffee. ‘Cheered up, hev we?’ she cackled. ‘Well this’ll put some lead in yer pencil.’
Cheryl sat up and accepted the mug she was handed. ‘I hope you aren’t dishing this out to the boys in the back room,’ she grunted. ‘I’ve had quite enough of them for one night,’
‘Ah, she’s a gel after me own heart,’ chuckled the walnut faced crone. ‘But they won’t be bothering you no more, me pet. Captin’s blown his top. Seems what those monkeys got up to weren’t no part er the official species struggle. ’N fact he’s sent me along on purpose t’apologise,’
’There,’ said Alvin, beaming round at Cheryl. ’Isn’t that nice? I knew he had a kind heart,’
’Three cheers for the political ethic,’ gurgled Cheryl. ‘I’d have appreciated it more if the message had got through half an hour ago. Still, better late than never,’
’That’s my gel!’ cackled Maggie. ‘Here, jer wanter drag?’ She grubbed a stub end of a cigar out of her apron pocket and proffered it to Cheryl who rejected it with a shudder. Maggie shrugged, thrust the battered stogie behind her ear and shuffled out.
Alvin got up off his knees and sat down beside Cheryl on the mattresses. ‘I wonder what’s happened to Norbert,’ he sighed. ‘I miss him like anything.’
Cheryl’s private opinion was that Norbert was probably floating face-downwards in the Serpentine by this time but she did not want to depress Alvin further by suggesting it. ‘I daresay Dominie’ll be having kittens too,’ she said. ‘I was supposed to be on call between midnight and two,’
‘What do you do, Cheryl? Really?’
‘I’m a Samaritan,’
‘Well, I know that,’
‘So?’
‘So what do Samaritans do?*
‘You really don’t know anything, do you Alvin?’
‘You don’t really kill people, do you?’
‘We don’t kill people,’ said Cheryl. ’Our job is to help people who want to kill themselves. It’s work of national importance,’ Alvin pondered this in silence for a while. ‘Why is it?’ he asked at last.
‘Well, because there are too many people,’ said Cheryl in the tones of one who explains a fact so patently obvious that it seems unbelievable it should need explaining at all.
‘But why are there so many?’ pursued Alvin.
‘Because people go on having babies, of course,’
‘But why do they, Cheryl?’
Cheryl shrugged.
‘I thought women were only allowed to have two,’
’Only supposed to have two,’ she corrected. ’There’s no law against them having a dozen. They tried that once back in the nineteen-nineties and look where it got them,’
‘Where did it get them?’
‘Well, the Compulsory Abortion Riots and all that stuff. All those governments collapsing one after the other. You know. History.’
’Oh,’ said Alvin.
Then when the apes were invented it got even worse. I mean they had to have the apes to do all the jobs that no one else was prepared to do, but the apes had to be fed and so on or they couldn’t work. So really it was just like having a whole lot more people. Well, in a way they are people, aren’t they?’
Alvin nodded.
’The government tried all sorts of things,’ mused Cheryl. ’Special baby taxes and withholding allowances and so on, but none of it seemed to make much difference, because at the other end the doctors were all madly trying to keep people alive to about a hundred and fifty. And it was the old ones who made the decisions. They weren’t going to give anyone the right to kill anyone else, because they were all afraid they’d be the next ones to get the chop. Why, do you realize, Alvin, it was only fifty years ago that they actually got round to repealing the sui- tide laws! Since then they’ve tried all kinds of ways of getting people to do themselves in. I think that business in the Park must’ve been one of them. You see it’s quite all right legally as long as people are prepared to do it themselves.’
‘But, Cheryl, why don’t people just have fewer babies?’
‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘Instinct, I suppose. Dominic says they’ll never solve the problem till they discover something nicer and cheaper and more readily available. And no one’s come up with that yet! Anyway lots of people just say it’s God’s will.’
‘Maybe it is.’
Cheryl shrugged. ‘Some God!’
‘Don’t you believe in Him?’
‘Do you?’
‘I’m not sure,’ said Alvin. ‘Norbert says God is Love.’
‘Protein for Norbert. And I daresay our dear Captain would say God is Power. It makes about as much sense. More maybe.’ Alvin swirled his coffee slowly round in the bottom of his mug. He thought of those sad heaps of corpses lying under the trees. It had happened but it still didn’t make any sense. How happy they had all been shouting and singing together. Slow tears of grief and perplexity began to fill his eyes. Where the sandbag had landed his head seemed to be throbbing worse than ever and he had an eerie sense of something vast and threatening brooding up behind him like a huge thunderhead. Tiny shivers skittered up and down his spine. The skin of his arms and legs began to gather itself up as though intent on shrinking him out of existence. He was becoming nothing and everything. The shivering became more and more violent until his teeth were chattering like a typewriter. The mug slipped from his inert fingers and clattered to the floor.
