The oddlympics, p.7
The Oddlympics, page 7
“What exactly are you doubling?” asks Mathena. “Or tripling? Or QUADRUPLING? What are you going to add to the bet?”
“We’ll . . . we’ll . . . ,” splutters Jupiter, “we’ll let you kids run Olympus!”
“You’ll what?” cries Apollo.
“Right!” says Zeus. “And we’ll . . . we’ll . . . we’ll all be your servants for the rest of the year!”
“Servants!” hisses Adonis. “Sweeeeeeet!!!”
“And to show you all that I back up my words with actions,” Dad continues, “I will represent the adults in this event.”
“Ahem!” coughs Jupiter. “You mean WE.”
“Very well,” Zeus says begrudgingly. “The contest shall have two athletes per team. Why, we’ll even let you kids choose the event! BUT . . .”
There’s always a BUT, isn’t there?
“You must pick a twosome that has not yet participated in these games.”
“Okay with us!” replies Adonis.
“Who hasn’t participated?” asks Apollo.
“Not okay with us!” says Adonis.
“What’s the matter?” sneers Zeus. “Are you . . . chicken?”
Oh, no. More bawking.
“What do we do?” asks Apollo. “They’re bawking us!”
“What is it with you guys and bawking?” howls Mathena. “Who cares? I like bawking! And I love chickens!”
“Yeah, we’re ahead!” pleads Minervous. “Don’t tempt fate!”
But we know the eternal unwritten rule: you can never back down from a bawk. Doesn’t matter if you’re Greek or Roman. It’s basically illegal.
“Okay, Dad.” Oddpollo and I sigh. “You’re on.”
“Excellent!” Zeus grins.
“I’m glad to see that our sons aren’t chicken,” adds Jupiter.
“On behalf of chickens everywhere, I object!” states Mathena, cradling a crestfallen Clucky in her arms.
“So, boys,” Zeus says to Oddpollo and me, “do tell—what’s it going to be? In what event . . . hee hee hee . . . are the four of us . . . haw haw haw . . . going to . . . ‘compete’?”
Dad does that air quotes thing with his fingers when he says “compete.” So annoying! And, unfortunately, so true!
“We need to talk it over,” Adonis replies.
“We’ll be waiting.” Dad smirks.
“While they do that,” Mom and Juno bark at Dad and Jupiter, “WE need to talk something over with the two of you!”
Oh mamas—it looks like Mom and Juno mean business!
“Who are you supposed to be?” asks Dad.
“We’re the kids’ lawyers!” replies Mom.
“What’s a lawyer?” Jupiter shudders. “It sounds dreadful!”
“We are here to make sure that you two don’t cheat!” says Juno.
“Right!” adds Mom. “You may not use any of your powers in this event!”
“Whaaaaat?” ask the Great Gods.
“You heard us,” snaps Juno. “You’re going to play fair and square. That means no lightning bolts—”
“No lightning bolts!” shouts Zeus.
“—no eagles, and no rainstorms of any kind!”
“Not even a little sprinkle?” asks Jupiter.
“Niente!” growls Juno. “Nothing!”
“Now, sign these documents we’ve drawn up,” orders Mom. “And tell us where we can bill you.”
While the moms deal with the dads, the kids deal with an even bigger issue: Oddpollo and I are both terrible at sports!
“Come on—there’s gotta be something you guys can do!” wails Adonis. “Aren’t you good at anything?”
Hmmm.
Nope.
“But Zeus and Jupiter can’t use any of their powers!” says Apollo. “Mathena, doesn’t that give us a chance?”
“Hypothetically yes, but the chances are slim,” Mathena replies. “After factoring in age, height, weight, and body mass index, I calculate that even if the grown-ups are powerless we are still at a twenty-five percent disadvantage. That is the mathematical equivalent of Oddonis and Oddpollo having three legs and Zeus and Jupiter having four.”
Hmmm again!
I don’t know what that thing is over my head—but I do know that I have an idea!
“I’ve got it!” I say. “And it just might work!”
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” moans Zeus.
“This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever done!” groans Jupiter.
“Well, you said the kids could choose the event!” scold the moms.
“Ugh,” grumble the dads. “Lawyers!”
I’ve only run a three-legged race once before, at a school picnic. I did surprisingly well—but that had more to do with my partner than with me!
“If we can’t use our powers,” Dad complains to Mom, “then they can’t have help from their freaky little friends!”
“That means no belching, no tooting . . . and no math!” echoes Jupiter.
“Can’d I gib you a good lug handshake?” asks Germes.
“Back it up, Captain Contagious!” warns Zeus.
“Can’t I mention how dangerous this event is, especially for someone your age?” asks Minervous. “I mean, the risk of hip fracture is . . .”
“Whoop whoop whoop!” hoots Jupiter, sticking his fingers in his ears.
“Fair enough,” Mom states. “No one gets help of any kind. Understood?”
“Guess that means no gas power, Oddy,” says Gaseous.
“Or God power,” Adonis whispers in my ear. “It’s all up to you, brother. You’re on your own now.”
“But I’m not on my own,” I reply. “I’ve got my teammate right here!”
“Thanks, partner,” says Oddpollo. “Let’s take the cheese!”
We get in position. The coaches scream, “Ready! Set! GO!!!” and we’re off! Well, at least Oddpollo and I are!
“I’m going first!” growls Zeus.
“No, I’m going first!” snarls Jupiter.
“I am King of the Gods, and I decide who will go first!”
“Helloooo! I’m King of the Gods too!”
“ARE NOT!”
“ARE TOO!”
“You’re ruining this whole thing, you big baby!” barks Zeus.
“I’m not the one who’s ruining it—you are!” snaps Jupiter.
“AM NOT!”
“AM TOO!”
While the Titans are clashing, Oddpollo and I are matching each other’s strides, step for step. Neither of us has EVER been fast on our own—but together, we’re like a three-legged cheetah!
“This is so cool!” I shout to Oddpollo. “Look at us go!”
“It’s amazing! I’ve never run this fast in my whole entire life!” Oddpollo yells back.
The crowd is going bananas. Half of them are cheering us on, while the other half is begging Zeus and Jupiter to TAKE ONE MEASLY STEP!
“STOP SQUABBLING!” they plead. “AND START SCURRYING!”
“OH, I WILL—as soon as HE gets out of my way!” cries Zeus.
“I’M not in YOUR way!” wails Jupiter. “YOU’RE in MY way!”
Think it can’t get any better? Or worse? It can. Zeus and Jupiter start pushing and shoving . . . and then wrestle each other to the ground!
“What are they doing now???” I gasp.
“I don’t know, but we better hurry!” replies Oddpollo.
We pick up our pace. We fly around the track, three-legging as one. The Kings of the Gods are still rolling around at the starting line when Oddpollo and I make it around to the finish! I gotta say . . . it’s a little anticlimactic.
“Dad?” I say.
“Dad?” Oddpollo says.
“GET. OFF. OF. ME!” grunts Zeus.
“YOU. GET. OFF. OF. ME!” snorts Jupiter.
“DAD!!!!”
Zeus and Jupiter stop scuffling. Dazed, dusty, bruised, and battered, they look up. I almost feel sorry for them!
“Oh, hello, Oddy,” Zeus replies.
“Hello, son,” Jupiter says to Oddpollo. “Is it time to start the race?”
“Lyset er på, men ingen er hjemme,” Mom says, sighing. (That’s Norwegian for “The lights are on, but nobody’s home.”)
“Sorry, Dads,” Oddpollo and I reply. “The race is over, and . . . OMG . . . WE WON!!!”
Oddpollo and I get MOBBED by our teammates! Heracles and Hercules throw us high in the air and then wrap us up in a big, slightly scary bear hug.
“Heracles so happy, Heracles walking on air!” Heracles screams.
“Hercules feel very validated!” Hercules cries. “Hercules can’t wait to journal about it!”
“Looks like I’ll have to recalculate,” Mathena says with a smile. “You beat the odds.”
“Correction!” cackles Puneous. “They beat the Gods!”
“Correction,” I reply. “We all did.”
“That’s right—we ALL did!” brags Adonis. “That includes me!”
“And me!” boasts Apollo.
Adonis and Apollo grab Oddpollo and me and pull us in close. Oh, no . . . are they going to slug us?
“Listen, you two,” Adonis whispers. “Just so you know . . .”
“We couldn’t have done this without you,” whispers Apollo.
“And we’ll both deny we ever said that,” Adonis adds.
Wow! Oddpollo and I will take that over slugging any day!
The party’s just getting started, as our fans join us on the field—led by our biggest fans of all: our moms! Let the squeeeeezing begin!
“I’m so proud of you, kjære!” beams Mom.
“So proud, topolino!” Juno tells Oddpollo.
“But I’m curious,” says Mom. “Why did you choose a three-legged race?”
“Si,” says Juno. “How did you know that would work?”
“It was easy,” I reply. “I knew it required teamwork.”
BWOOOOOONKKK!/“BURRRRRPPPPPP!” Gaseous and Belchous fart-burp (furp?) together.
“Okay, not exactly what I had in mind,” I say, “but you get the point. We’ve all learned how to cooperate, get along, and work together. It didn’t matter if we were totally similar . . .
“Or totally different . . .
“We were a team. And the grown-ups . . . weren’t.”
“And we’re not just a team,” adds Oddpollo. “We’re friends, too.”
“Well, well, it seems you’ve taught us all a valuable lesson,” says Mom. “Right, grown-ups?”
“Right,” reply Coach Gluteus Maximus and Coach Trapezius.
“So right,” reply Deadipus and Fredipus.
“Just Do It™,” replies Nike.
Mom and Juno turn to Dad and Jupiter. “Well, boys?” they ask.
“Right,” they whisper.
“So we can all hear you!”
“RIGHT!” the Great Gods thunder.
“That’s better.”
“So, your team won,” Zeus says to us. “I guess that means you’re in charge.”
“Yes.” Jupiter sighs. “It looks like you’ll be running Mount Olympus now.”
“We don’t want to be in charge,” I say. “And we don’t want to run anything. We just want to be kids!”
“But . . . we do have some demands,” states Oddpollo.
“What kind of demands?” ask Zeus and Jupiter.
“We don’t want to be the grown-ups,” Oddpollo says. “We want you to be the grown-ups!”
“And remember what’s most important,” I say. “Being together . . . and having fun!”
Total silence. Followed by TOTAL PANDAMONIUM!
Oops! Sorry! Spelled it wrong. I meant TOTAL PANDEMONIUM!!! The crowd goes crazy. The stadium is rocking! The grown-ups even surprise us with this!
“We hear you, children,” Zeus and Jupiter say. “And we will try our best.”
“Thanks, Dad,” Oddpollo and I reply.
“No, boys, thank you,” Jupiter says, “for giving us the chance to learn from our mistakes—and for letting us have our kingdoms back.”
“No prob.”
“Oh, and one more thing,” Zeus laughs. “Thanks for forgetting about that whole ‘We’ll be your servants for the rest of the year’ thing. That was very nice of you.”
Hmmm.
Hey, we’re nice . . . but we’re not that nice!
Books by David Slavin
ENJOY THESE OTHER ODD GOD ADVENTURES!
Odd Gods
The Oddyssey
Copyright
ODD GODS: THE ODDLYMPICS. Copyright © 2020 by David Slavin and Daniel Weitzman. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
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Cover art © 2020 by Adam J.B. Lane
Library of Congress Control Number: 2020933705
Digital Edition OCTOBER 2020 ISBN: 978-0-06-283958-9
Print ISBN: 978-0-06-283957-2
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* Odd Gods 2: The Oddyssey. Available wherever books are sold!
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David Slavin, The Oddlympics
